


If You Ever Want To Be In Love

by fyf



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M, Rated E for later chapters, Slight Canon Divergence, Slight slow burn Daryl Dixon/Rick Grimes, i suck at summaries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-24 16:20:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3775294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fyf/pseuds/fyf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that the group is settled in Alexandria, Rick and Daryl have to deal with their feelings. Will Daryl overcome his fear of failing? Will Rick be bold enough to tell Daryl how he feels? Or will they both keep pretending they don't feel what's between them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [ Rosie ](http://shukagari.tumblr.com) for reading over this and helping me.  
> Canon Divergence: Rick is interested in Daryl instead of Jessie in Alexandria, they get to Alexandria quickly after the fall of the prison and Terminus, Rick feels guilty about moving on after Lori.

Rick sighed as he closed the door behind him, placing his keys on the table under the window, exhausted from his day of keeping an eye on Alexandria. He looked around the house in front of him, spotting Maggie and Carol in the kitchen.  


"What are you guys up to?" he asked as he stopped in the entrance to the kitchen. The two women looked up and smiled. 

"I'm teaching Maggie how to make my cookies, she was curious" Carol answered. Maggie nodded. 

Rick smiled, his people, his family, were finally settling in here, doing things with the intent of staying and living here. Rick started to turn away, to head upstairs to the shower. 

"Before you go, Carl and Judith are down the street with the nice old couple and Daryl is at Aaron and Eric's house, something about Aaron having a job for him?" Maggie called. 

Rick nodded, walking up the stairs towards the bathroom. Why did Maggie include Daryl in the list along with his children? Why did she not tell him where anyone else in the group was? 

He shook his head, wanting to focus and relish on the shower he was about to have, he wasn't sure he'd ever get used to having running water again. Once in the bathroom, he pulled off his shirt and tie, and shuffled out of his trousers and socks. He turned on the shower, once the water was the right temperature he stepped under the spray, a content groan slipping past his lips as the water cascaded down his body; washing off the stress of the day.

–

When Rick came back downstairs, he found Maggie, Glenn, Carl, Carol and Michonne gathered around the small table in the living room playing a board game. Glenn looked up at the sound of Rick's boots hitting the wood floor at the bottom of the stairs. As if to answer Rick's unasked question he nodded his head towards the front door. Rick followed his instruction and found Daryl sat on the porch fixing his crossbow. 

"'Board games not your style?' Rick asked. Daryl huffed. 

"Not really" he answered. Rick stepped forward, closer to Daryl. 

"Mind if I join you?" Daryl looked at him for a second, then shook his head. Rick sat down, his left shoulder touching Daryl’s and back against the porch railings. They sat in silence for a few moments before Rick started conversation. 

"Heard you were at Aaron's today, he had some kind of job for you?" Rick asked.

Daryl nodded. "Wants me to help him go out and find people to recruit... I accepted, would be nice to get back out there again" Rick turned to look at him, a questioning look on his face 

"You don't like it here?" 

"It's nice... just won't last, not in this world, not with the people who are out there. I don't trust anyone here, they look at me differently, I don't belong here" Daryl answered. 

The silence returned as Rick took in what Daryl said. He was surprised at how much Daryl had offered up; expressing his thoughts about the place they now called home. Rick's brow furrowed as his mind replayed 'they look at me differently... I don't belong here'. Rick softly nudged Daryl's side with his elbow. 

"Hey" he said quietly. Daryl didn't look at him, his fingers working deftly over his crossbow. 

"Hey" Rick repeated, Daryl turned his head slightly to look at him, fingers halting their movement.

"You belong here okay, with us...wherever we are, you belong there right next to us. You're as much a part of this family as anyone, don't forget that" Rick said, his voice quiet. Daryl nodded silently, his expression unreadable yet familiar. Rick's mind flashed back to them sitting by the tyre of the car and him saying 'You're my brother'. He filed that moment away with this one, noticing yet another shift in their relationship.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Daryl head out to find some people to recruit, they run into a bit of trouble.

Daryl's breathing was harsh as he reached the side of the field. Distressed noises from the horse ringing out, barely overpowering the groans and growls of the walkers. A beat later, Aaron appeared at his side. A sad sigh passed his lips.  


"Let's carry on" Daryl said, his voice wavering only slightly as he fought to keep it under control. Not wanting Aaron to see how much this sight is affecting him. Not wanting him to misunderstand, when in reality the Archer feels like this is a symbol for him. For if he achieved what he wants in his bones, the feeling that itches under his skin for him to be back out alone in the woods, not cooped up in some fake town trying to play nice.

A few moments later, a flash of colour at the corner of his eye attracts his attention. He turns to see a man in a bright orange coat rub wild leeks on him to keep the midgies away. 'Smart' he thinks. As if reading his mind, Aaron speaks. "Let's follow him, try to talk to him, he must be smart enough to have survived out here alone this long". Daryl nods minutely in agreement and the pair set off; maintaining a certain pace behind the man.

Somehow, Daryl loses track of the man in the brightly coloured coat. _Focus_ Daryl thinks, _can't let these thoughts compromise this._  
Always the optimist, Aaron speaks again 'If it's meant to be, we'll find him'. Again, Daryl nods minutely and they start walking in the last general direction they saw him, unaware of what lay ahead.

* * * 

All that could be heard was the walker's scratches and moans. The car was surrounded, chances of escape looking slim. Aaron fumbles around in between the seats looking for something, anything to help them out of this situation; he knows it's hopeless. His hands find a small piece of crumpled paper, he glances at Daryl who, despite everything, is looking at him calmly, then pointedly at the piece of paper. Aaron unfolds it 'It's a trap, run', he inhales sharply as his eyes scan the words. Daryl sighs next to him, turns his head to the side to look at the closest walker trying to make it's way inside.  


"I'm going to make a run for it, I'll cover you, you just get away" the hunter explained.  


"That's a suicide mission, you'll never make it out alive" Aaron argued. Daryl shrugged.  


He gets that he barely knows Aaron, knows next to nothing about him, but Daryl has always trusted his gut and he can tell Aaron is a good person, besides he has Eric, someone who would fall apart with his death. The archer knows he has the group, people he now calls family, but he has no one who truly loves him, they've lost people, they'll be able to move on, just like they've done before. Especially now that they don't rely on him for hunting for food. Still, he feels bad about being another person for them to carry on their shoulders, the grief of lost people piling up until they surely break. Daryl hasn't been selfish in a long time, and he needs to be now he knows it'll hurt the group but he needs to have his conscience clean and have his final moments repaying the good people in this world. By sacrificing himself for Aaron. His mind flashes back to a few days earlier, Rick sitting beside him on the front porch, his reassurance about him belonging with them. He thinks back to the look Rick gave him, how sincere he was; like he was desperate for Daryl to get it, like he was scared Daryl would leave if he thought he wasn't needed there. He couldn't think about that now, he didn't want leaving Rick to be one of his last thoughts.  


"This isn't a discussion, I want to do this, you have to live" Daryl said, a leveling glare told Aaron he was serious. Aaron nodded, his hand moving to the door handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short, I was going to write more but I can end the story with more chapters this way.  
> Comments are appreciated, thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl gets hurt out on a run and Rick looks after him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these chapters are being updated far apart, i'm finding it hard to get back into writing again. These upcoming chapters may seem a bit ooc for some characters, but it helps to fit with the story. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated! Thanks to [ Rosie ](http://shukagari.tumblr.com) again for the help on this one.

The sound of engines halted Rick's pacing. He heard the gate close shut and Eric's voice asking what had happened. Aaron and Daryl were meant to be back hours ago, and now it was dark and Rick was beyond worried. He knew first hand that Daryl could handle himself, he'd seen him in situations that would surely mean the end for some people, come out with barely a scratch on him. Still, Rick's mind was racing with thoughts of what could have gone wrong. After realising out on the road what he felt for Daryl, he couldn't help but become more protective over him. Sure, he had called Daryl his brother, and there was no doubt that he meant it, but he also meant he was in love with him. He just had to think of something to say to show Daryl how much he cared and how highly he thought of him. Knowing if he said he loved him, he could accidentally push the archer away, he opted for brother instead. He also knew first hand that Daryl wasn't great at dealing with affection that was directed towards him, in fact, Carol seemed to be the only one he accepted it from; going cold and short tempered on the others when they tried.  


Rick took a deep breath before opening the door and walking out onto the street. He casually walked over to the gate with Aaron's car and Daryl's motorcycle parked in front of it. His pace increased and he started to jog when he saw the scene in front of him. Daryl was sitting on the floor, leaning against the nearest wall of the town. Eric was kneeling in front of him, attempting to hold a rag to his head, presumably to treat a wound, but Daryl kept pushing his hand away, looking more and more irritated at each of Eric's attempts. Aaron was a few feet away, angled towards Eric and Daryl. Rick's breathing was heavy when he made it to them. Rick echoed Eric's earlier question. His eyes flickering to Daryl's, trying to keep his face neutral, despite his heart hammering in his chest. Aaron turned to address Rick, pulling his gaze to him.  


“We got into a bit of trouble and Daryl got hurt, he needs to rest” Aaron answered. Daryl huffed.  


“It's nothing. Just hit my head a little” Daryl supplied.  


Again, Rick turned his gaze to Daryl. Eric had stopped trying to put the rag to the wound when Rick walked over. Rick could now see the injury. Daryl's hair was stuck to his face around his left eye, tangled and matted with blood. Daryl's left cheek was bruised purple and swollen slightly and the corner of his lip was cut. Rick let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding, glad to see Daryl wasn't injured further. With some rest he'd be fine in no time. He walked closer to Daryl and knelt down in front of him, Eric handed him the rag, pushed himself up from the floor and went to stand next to Aaron. Rick raised the rag to Daryl's head, he leaned away and glared at Rick. Rick gave him a hard look back, showing he didn't want to argue over this. After a moment, Daryl sighed heavily and leaned forward slightly. Rick nodded and put the rag to Daryl's injury pushing his hair out of the way with his spare hand. Daryl hissed quietly when he made contact.  


“Does it hurt a lot?” Rick asked.  


Daryl shrugged, turning his head away, looking down the street into the town. Their relationship changed a long time ago into them not needing words to communicate, simply looking at each other to understand the other. Rick took this to mean Daryl didn't want to make a big deal out of it, showing this was something he could handle. Still, Rick wanted to hear Daryl to say it, for his own peace of mind.  


“Daryl, does it hurt?” Rick asked again. This time, moving into Daryl's new line of vision. Daryl tensed slightly, realising Rick wasn't going to let it go. He sighed heavily again, growing annoyed at Rick's questioning, he couldn't understand why he seemed so wound up.  


“I'm fine, doesn't hurt too bad. Had worse” Daryl answered. Daryl's gaze moved onto Rick, making eye contact. Rick nodded slightly and grabbed Daryl's elbow.  


“Do you think you can stand and walk?” Rick asked, starting to push himself off the floor.  


Daryl grunted in response, letting himself be pulled up slowly by Rick. Aaron took a step forward, unsure if he should help support Daryl to the group's house.  


“I got it, thanks” Rick said, answering Aaron's unasked question. Aaron stepped back and put his arm back around Eric. Rick supported Daryl's weight and they made their way to the house. Moving slowly so as to not rush Daryl, him still being light headed.  


Once inside the house, Rick and Daryl made their way over to the sofa. Rick helped Daryl sit down and swing his legs up so that he was laying horizontally on the sofa.  


“I'll go get a wash cloth, clean up some of that blood. I'll also get some frozen peas for your cheek...not sure i'll get used to having working freezers again” Rick suggested, leaving the living room to go into the kitchen.  


Daryl was quiet, staring at the ceiling. A few minutes later, Rick came back with a bowl of water and a damp cloth inside and a bag of peas wrapped in a dry cloth. He placed the bag of peas on the table next to him, to give to Daryl after his face was cleaned. Rick picked up the wash cloth and squeezed the excess water off and leaned forward to start cleaning the wound. Daryl put his hand up, catching Rick's wrist.  


“I'll do it” he said, clearly having enough of being looked after. Out on the road, whenever he was injured, admittedly not often, he would go off by himself into the woods and come back a while later with it tended to. Rick understood he didn't take well to people looking after him, after having no one do it when he was younger; having to look after himself whenever things went wrong. Still, Rick wished he would let people do it now, finally having a family who would do so much for him, no questions asked.  


Rick sighed, this time he wasn't going to leave Daryl to look after himself and to tend to his wounds on his own. This time, Rick was going to look after him, show him that he had people who cared for him. Rick pulled his wrist out of Daryl's grasp, causing Daryl to look at him, a look of consfusion flashing in his eyes before he steeled himself.  


“No, let me. You don't have to do it yourself all the time” Rick said, leaning forward once more and gently wiping the blood.  


Daryl didn't respond, just turned back to looking at the ceiling again. He hoped Rick couldn't feel how fast his heart was beating. He hadn't been in this close quarters with Rick in a while.  


Daryl lay quiet, letting Rick dampen the cloth in the bowl again and squeeze out the excess water before returning to the task of cleaning his face. Daryl's mind felt cloudy, he was unsure if it was from the incident or from Rick showing this amount of concern over him. He couldn't stop himself from thinking back to the look on Rick's face when he first saw Daryl sitting down by the wall. He couldn't be certain, but he thought he saw panic and worry before Rick composed himself and turned towards him.  


Feeling like he'd cleaned enough, Rick placed the cloth back into the bowl. He picked up the peas, and handed them to Daryl, knowing he'd want to hold them himself.  


“I'll let you hold those. I know you probably want to sleep, but you can't just yet. You might have a concussion.” Rick said, breaking the silence. “So, I'll go get Carol, she can sit and talk to you, keep you awake until we know it's okay for you to sleep”  


Daryl nodded. Rick stood up from his seat on the coffee table. He reached down to squeeze Daryl's shoulder once before leaving the room. A few minutes later, Carol sat down in Rick's old seat. Daryl turned his head to look at her. Carol smiled back and launched into what she had been up to that day, knowing Daryl wouldn't want to talk too much.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update this, and sorry this is so short and not much happens, I plan for it to be a filler chapter.  
> I'll be posting another later tonight or by the latest, tomorrow.

Daryl walked along the quiet street, illuminated by the light candlelight behind closed windows. He thought about hopping the wall, but that would worry Rick too much. Instead, he stayed along the paths, using them to clear his head instead.

It's not that he wanted to run away or anything, he just couldn't stand being cooped up in the house all day long. Rick had barely left him alone since the accident, acting like he was injured far more than he actually was. He'd had far worse and a small bump to the head wasn't going to be the way he was going to go. 

Plus, he needed some space because if he spent any more time in that house, he was scared he'd tell Rick his feelings. Or the thoughts he had before he almost died. He knows now that people care for and love him, after he and Aaron and Morgan had came back and news had spread of the near death, he hadn't been left alone of people asking if he's okay, or telling him that they were glad that he was safe and sound.

The reason he's scared to tell Rick, he figures, is that he's certain Rick doesn't feel the same way. After all, he had a wife and two children and has never shown any interest in any of the guys around. Sure, he was close with Daryl, but he had called him his brother, and he'd called Shane that, so there was no way it meant anything different for Daryl. Besides, a small part of Daryl is scared Rick does feel the same way, scared he'll hurt Rick, like the screw-up he is. Scared he'll push Rick away and he'll lose him, scared he'll accidentally push Rick back to the brink of insanity.

It's best he doesn't know, Daryl decides.

\----

Rick lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. He'd come to bed hours ago, with the intention of falling asleep. But no sleep had come to take him. 

He heard a stone skip along the path outside the house. Instinct kicking in, he shot out of bed and crouched beneath the window. A quiet tune being whistled floated up from the street below. Confused, Rick stood up and pulled back the curtains slightly. He looked out to see Daryl, walking past the house, stones in his hand ready to be skipped along the road.

He pushed open the window and whisper shouted.

"Daryl?"

Daryl stopped in his tracks. Rick could tell by the slump of his shoulders that he'd let out a sigh. He slowly turned around, the expression on his face was one of a child being caught doing something wrong.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Rick asked, trying not to sound too parent like.

Daryl rolled his eyes. "Going for a walk, clearing my head. Is that a crime now deputy?"

Rick could tell Daryl was annoyed by the tone of his voice and the antagonistic response.

"Of course not, but you're not meant to be up and about, you hit your head pretty hard, it's barely been a day and a half. You're meant to rest for at least three. The doctor said so, you should listen to him" Rick replied, not rising to Daryl's bait of an argument.

"Pete? You're listening to him now? 5 minutes ago you wanted to kill him" Daryl said.

"I don't like him, but he's a doctor, I respect his medical opinion, not anything else" Rick answered back, keeping his voice steady despite his growing annoyance at Daryl's petulance. "Look, I'm coming down to get some water, you better be back on the sofa when I get down there" Rick warned.

As he closed the window, Rick heard Daryl huff and the stones scatter on the floor. He took the stairs slower than usual, to give Daryl time to pout and then walk in.

When Rick got down to the living room, he could see a figure on the sofa through the darkness. He smiled to himself, at the fact that Daryl had actually listened to him.

In the back of his mind, he knew he may be overreacting about the situation but he couldn't help it, this was his way of showing Daryl he cared. Daryl wasn't much for words, he preferred actions to say what people often couldn't. Out on the road, Rick was always worried for Daryl's safety, after Beth's death he would often leave the group for extended periods of time, only to return no better and just as downtrodden as he'd been when he'd left. 

Rick walked into the kitchen, got a glass out of the cupboard and walked to the sink. He twisted the tap and filled his glass with water and turned the tap off. He turned around and walked back upstairs, deciding it best to not push Daryl any further. He may have listened to him tonight, but Rick knows if he keeps hovering any more than he has, Daryl will react badly.

\----

Daryl hadn't meant to be mean to Rick. He'd just been looking forward to getting some fresh air and some time to himself. He'd been annoyed that Rick had come along and interrupted it. 

Now, he lay angry on the sofa. He wasn't a child, he didn't need to be told what to do in the same way. 

Huffing, he turns over onto his side, facing the fireplace. It's obvious to him he's not going to sleep tonight. His mind is alight with thoughts and fantasies.

Seeing Rick fuss over him annoyed him sure, but it also made him feel loved. Something he relishes these days, he'd never felt it growing up. Only felt it recently when the family had got together. But with Rick, it feels different, sure Rick would look after other people in the group too, but Daryl can't help but feel he's doing it more for Daryl. Like Daryl getting hurt, hurts him too.

Daryl saw the flicker of fear in his eyes when Aaron told Rick that he'd been hurt. Could see the worry in his eyes as he assessed Daryl's injury.

Daryl sighs loudly and scrunches his eyes shut. He can't let himself get his hopes up. Not when getting this wrong would ruin so much. He turns onto his other side, to face the back of the couch and pulls the blanket over his shoulders. Letting sleep pass the night away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated! They keep me motivated!
> 
> Come see me on [ tumblr ](http://fuckyeahflint.tumblr.com)
> 
> Follow me on my fanfiction [ network ](fyffanfictionnetwork.tumblr.com)


	5. Chapter 5

The trees are dark as they tower over Daryl. They sway in the light breeze that makes its way through the forest. 

Daryl crouches down, looking at the footprints in front of him. Hooves, he thinks. 

Standing up, he looks around him, keeping his breathing quiet and even. 

A twig snaps not too far from him. He whirls around silently, his crossbow aimed in the direction of the noise. 

The deer appears out from behind two large fallen down trees; ears twitching. 

Daryl presses the trigger, bolt cutting through the air and into the deer's side. 

Later, when the life had left the animal, Daryl put it over his shoulders and made his way back to town. 

\---- 

Rick could barely contain his joy when he saw Daryl enter through the town gates carrying a deer. They would be having a decent meal tonight. 

He made his way over to the man. 

"Thank you for this" Rick said, not able to stop himself smiling. It had been far too long since he had had a meal as good as this, even with arriving in the town. 

Daryl shrugged slightly. 

"Was nothing" he answered. 

Rick put his hand on Daryl's shoulder and nodded. Making the other man nod back then drop his gaze to the ground. 

\---- 

Days passed without event, Rick's good mood had stayed after Daryl had brought back something from his hunt. 

The universe had been too kind to him lately. 

It seemed only fitting that it would be out to deal him a bad hand. 

It was his job, as put upon by Deanna, to look after the town. To see that everything was in order. 

What he didn't know yet, as he sat at his kitchen table drinking some tea, was that he had failed. 

The scream rang out across the town. 

\---- 

Now, Rick was running along the main street of the town, fear spreading through his chest. 

The actions and events of this world had long worn thin, but now Rick was nervous for another reason. Not because he was scared of any danger, but that the people of this town were. If something went wrong under his watch, they'd be surely asked to leave. 

He didn't know if the group could stand another stretch out on the road. Didn't know if they'd survive. 

Rick burst through the gate and into the back yard. A gasp leaving his throat involuntarily at the scene in front of him. 

Between him and the old couple cowering in the corner, pushed up against the paint splintered fence, were three walkers. 

Immediately, he sprung into action, grabbing his knife from his belt he lurched forward. Shouting as he moved, to draw the attention of the walkers. 

After the first walker fell down he moved onto the second, plunging his knife again into the decaying skull. 

Once, the second walker went down, he then moved onto the third. Only this time, the walker stepped forward, arms extended out and mouth open. 

The walker's hands were level with Rick's shoulders and it surged forward. Rick fell backwards into the bushes that lay at the side of the garden, the walker following him. 

Rick pushed upwards at the body as the walker's mouth snapped open and shut, trying to bite, got closer and closer to his neck. 

Rick could feel his arms shaking with the strain. He then realised he didn't have his knife in his hand, he must have dropped it in surprise, he thought belatedly. With a glance to confirm it, he saw his knife laying in the grass beyond the walker. He also realised belatedly that the old couple were now screaming as they took in what they saw. 

Suddenly, the walker fell flat and heavy on top of him. Rick quickly pushed the walker backwards off him. He stood up and looked down at the now dead walker. The point of the bolt was now sticking up through it's left eye, after being pushed through from the back when it fell. 

Daryl. 

Rick looked to his left, where the entrance to the garden was still open from when he came in. Daryl stood in the doorway breathing hard and giving Rick a hard look. 

Rick looked Daryl in the eye and gave him a nod, showing his gratitude. 

Daryl nodded back, still breathing hard and sharply through his nose. He stalked passed Rick, who was trying to hide the fact that his body was shaking, from panic or the adrenaline, he didn't know. Daryl bent over and put his foot on the head of the walker and pulled the bolt out. 

Daryl glanced back towards Rick. Rick couldn't understand the expression on his face.

"Thank you!" The old woman burst out. Rushing towards the men, she gave Rick a hug, relief evident on her features. 

"Yes, thank you. We thought it was the end for a minute there" The old man added. 

"No problem" Rick replied easily, while Daryl shrugged his shoulders slightly. He wiped the bolt on his trousers and put it back in his crossbow and slung it over his shoulders. This time, without a glance at Rick, he walked out of the garden. 

\---- 

Hours had passed, Rick had dealt with the bodies of the walkers. Deanna had been furious when she had found out about the incident, telling Rick that he had to come see her in two days to discuss it. The couple, who Rick learned were called Mavis and John, would also be there, to tell their version of events. Daryl had also reluctantly agreed to go along too. 

Speaking of, Rick had not seen Daryl for several hours too. Not that he saw him a lot as it was, but ever since he had walked out of the couple's garden, he had not set eyes on him again. Only getting word through Deanna of Daryl's involvement in a couple of days. 

Rick was confused as to why Daryl had taken off so suddenly. 

\---- 

It wasn't until the next day that Rick saw Daryl. He was standing stiffly in the living room, almost as if he had been waiting for Rick to wake and come downstairs. 

"Daryl? You okay?" Rick asked, concern lacing his voice. 

Daryl nodded curtly and grunted, answering yes in his own way. Rick noticed that Daryl kept his gaze on the floor, even as Rick approached him. 

Rick was now standing in front of the other man. 

"You sure? You don't look like yourself" Rick pursued his line of questioning. 

After what felt like an age of silence, Daryl spoke up. 

"Why'd you do it?" Daryl asked, ignoring Rick's earlier question. 

"Do what?" Rick asked. His head tilting slightly with confusion. 

Daryl let out a heavy sigh. Finally tearing his gaze up from the floor to rest on a place just behind Rick, with a look on his face, like he wanted to be anywhere but there. 

"Take on those walkers alone" Daryl explained. Rick remained confused. 

"I thought I could handle them, I've done it plenty of times before" Rick replied. 

"There were three Rick, two maybe yeah, but three is too many to do on your own with no help" Daryl said. His gaze moving to Rick's face. "You could have been hurt. Hell, if I hadn't arrived when I did, you probably would've been bit" Daryl's voice trailed off at the end, becoming small and quiet. 

Everything clicked into place. Daryl had been angry that Rick had put himself into harm's way like that. That he hadn't called for help, that he'd gone into the fray alone, with no one at his back. That he'd almost been bit. Hope fluttered throughout his chest. 

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking" Rick replied softly. "You're right, three was too much for just me" he continued, trying to soothe Daryl's anger. 

Finally Daryl moved his gaze to lock with Rick's. Rick could now see the hurt in his eyes. Rick would do anything to remove it. The last thing he ever wanted to do was see Daryl look like that, let alone be the one to put those feelings there. 

Rick reached out a hand and placed it on Daryl's shoulder. Daryl flinched minutely under his touch, but remained where he stood. 

"Daryl, I honestly am sorry" Rick said. 

Rick squeezed slightly. 

Daryl flinched again, this time taking a step back, moving out from under Rick's hand. 

His shoulders were set tight, anger still rolling off him in waves. 

"Daryl, I said I was sorry, why are you still angry? You're not normally like this. What's wrong?" Rick asked, worry thick in his voice. 

Daryl huffed, opened his mouth and closed it again. 

"Daryl?" Rick prompted. 

"You just don't get it do you?" Daryl bit out. 

"Get what? Daryl, what's going on?" Rick asked, not meaning to his raise his voice slightly at the end. He was just getting frustrated at Daryl avoiding his questions. He just wanted to know what was happening, why Daryl was acting so weird. 

Daryl grunted again. "Just-" 

Daryl cut himself off by crushing his lips to Rick's. 

Rick let out a noise of surprise that was swallowed by Daryl as he opened his mouth. Getting with the program, Rick opened his mouth against Daryl's, their tongues meeting. 

Rick's hands found themselves tangled in Daryl's hair, gripping lightly. Daryl's hands wound up on Rick's hips, his fingers pressing in roughly. 

Daryl moved forward and pushed Rick backwards in the same movement, only stopping when Rick's back was flat with the wall. Rick moaned and gripped Daryl's hair tighter. 

After a few minutes, Daryl pulled away, breathless. He leant his forehead against Rick's, eyes still closed. 

Rick pressed one more chaste kiss to Daryl's lips and leant his forehead back against the other man's. Arms still linked around his neck. Bodies still impossibly close. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated, they keep me motivated!
> 
> Follow me on [ tumblr ](http://fuckyeahflint.tumblr.com)
> 
> Check out of my fanfiction [ network ](http://fyffanfictionnetwork.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

Daryl let out a string of curses as he looked down at the blood pouring out of the fresh wound on his hand. Sighing, he picked up a rag and tied it around his hand, in an attempt to stop the bleeding. He was sat on the porch, trying to clean and fix his crossbow, but too many thoughts and feelings were swimming around his head.

He hadn't meant to kiss Rick.

He'd promised himself that he'd leave it, that it was best that Rick didn't know of his feelings for him. There was too much that could go wrong and too much for him to lose. After they'd kissed, Rick had opened his mouth to say something and Daryl had panicked and ran out of the room before he had a chance to say anything.

That was hours ago.

Rick had gone out on patrol with Michonne, and Daryl was taking that opportunity to sit out on the porch and not run into  
Rick. He didn't know what he'd do if he saw him now.

\----

"What do you think it means? I mean he kissed me!" Rick cried, hands moving along with his words, as if to express his confusion.

"That he likes you?" Michonne answered. "People usually do that when they have feelings for someone"

Rick was quiet for a moment. 

"You think so? I mean I don't really know what he's like when he's into someone you know?" 

"I think he's into you, Rick. I don't know how he acts either but I think he certainly doesn't go around kissing people for no reason" Michonne replied, putting her hands in the pockets of her jacket. 

"But he ran" Rick protested weakly. He didn't know why he was acting so trivial. He likes Daryl, is in love with him. He should be jumping for joy that he'd been kissed. Instead, he's walking around town with Michonne, talking her ear off about what happened and his confused emotions. She'd been patient through it all, listening attentively and offering  
solutions.

"So? It's Daryl, what did you expect him to do? Show someone affection and stick around for the aftermath? He's grown up thinking the best way to show emotion is with a fist rather than a kiss. I bet he was told what he is feeling right now is weak, that having feelings and thoughts about a man is wrong. He's probably nervous about what you're going to say to him. That you're going to be angry with him. After all, you haven't told him how you feel have you?"

Rick shook his head.

"Exactly, he's probably thinking he crossed a line and that you don't want to be friends anymore. He's probably thinking he's lost you. So, of course he ran. Why would he want to stay after and hear all the bad things he thinks you're gonna say?"

"But I kised him back, doesn't that show I like him?" Rick asked, voice small and vulnerable.

"He's probably convincing himself you got lost in the moment or some other reason that doesn't end in him thinking you like him. You need to talk to him Rick. As soon as possible. Set him straight" Michonne said, her tone turning serious as she told Rick how to fix it.

\----

The sun was setting, casting an orange glow over the town. The town was silent, all the inhabitants resting in their homes after a days work.

Rick had just finished his patrol with Michonne. He was now stood in the kitchen of the house, looking at Daryl's back as he stood at the sink.

Michonne cleared her throat. "I'll, uh, just be off to bed. Leave you guys to it"

Rick nodded. Daryl remained unmoving.

After Michonne had gone, Rick moved forward slowly, cautiously, as if he were approaching a feral animal.

"Daryl" Rick said softly.

Daryl sighed and turned around, facing the other man. Rick pressed his lips together tightly to stop himself from gasping. He couldn't believe how worn out Daryl looked. The usual light in his eyes was duller than normal, leaving them looking dark and tired. He had bags under his eyes, purple contrasting with the paleness of his skin. His body slumped more than usual and he looked like he was barely managing to hold himself upright.

Rick reached forward slowly, to give Daryl time to move away if he wanted to. He put his hand on the hunters shoulder. Daryl sighed again, leaning slightly into the touch. Rick started to move his hand upwards.

When his hand cupped the other man's neck, Daryl's eyed briefly closed before his brow furrowed and he stepped backwards. Away from Rick.

"Don't" Daryl grunted.

"I don't understand Daryl" Rick said, his voice cracking.

Daryl locked his gaze once more. Michonne was right, Rick could see it in his eyes. He was fighting himself. He wanted this too but wouldn't let himself have it.

"It's okay" Rick soothed. "I-"

"No Rick" Daryl cut him off sharply, raising his hand, palm flat, facing Rick's direction. Daryl took another step back so the island was between him and Rick. "Just leave it. It meant nothing, forget about it. It never should have happened" 

Daryl turned around, his back now facing Rick and walked out of the room.

Rick stood, mouth agape, alone in the kitchen. He clutched his chest as emotions flooded it. His mind felt cloudy. He felt his knees go weak and he let himself sink to the floor, back resting against the counter.

He put his head in his hands, elbows resting on his bent knees.

For the first time in a long time, he felt dangerous thoughts creep into his mind. Thoughts he'd thought were long gone. Thoughts that took the form of Lori standing in a white wedding dress.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a slender figure move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated! They keep me motivated
> 
> Sorry if this chapter isn't as good as the others, I couldn't seem to get it right and I just kinda settled on this version of it, as always please comment your thoughts!
> 
> Check out my [tumblr ](http://fuckyeahflint.tumblr.com)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.

Rick was distressed and irritable. The talk with Deanna had gone well, well he assumed it had, he'd barely registered what was said. He was too busy fighting his thoughts, trying to clear his vision.

Now, he walks down the street of the main road, eyes focused on his house by the gate to the town. Ignoring the flashes of white he sees in his peripherals. His breathing hard and strained.

His breath eases slightly when he sees Daryl working on a bike in the open garage of the house across the road. Aaron and Eric's house. As if sensing Rick looking at him, Daryl's eyes catch his own, and leave them almost as soon. Daryl puts his tools down and walks into the house, closing the door that leads into the garage behind him. Rick sighs and looks back towards his house, quickening his pace. He just needs to be inside so he doesn't have to pretend.

\----

Daryl had avoided Rick ever since he had told him the kiss didn't mean anything. Of course he had lied. He didn't want things to change between them, didn't want to hurt Rick like he knew he would if their relationship developed. He hadn't meant to kiss Rick, he'd just been so scared when he saw Rick with the walker on top of him, had been angry at him after for putting himself in danger like that. He had felt flooded with so many emotions he couldn't put them into words, couldn't tell Rick himself why he avoiding him, the only thing he could think to do was to kiss him. To somehow convey all the unsaid words with their lips touching, their bodies moving together.

Daryl was avoiding him now because he couldn't stand to look Rick in the eye. Whenever he did he saw the relief that spread through them, he'd seen Rick when he thought no one was looking. He looked wrecked, the bags under his eyes were slowly growing, he looked haunted, his breathing got harsher and his fists would clench and unclench at his sides as if he were fighting something internally. Daryl couldn't process that he was what Rick looked to for a moment of peace. As much as he wanted to help Rick and be there for him, Daryl didn't think he could handle it. He wanted to be able to cope with it so badly, probably wouldn't rest until it became normal for him to chase Rick's demons away, sparing Rick the fight, truth was he was terrified and worried. That if he tried, he'd fail and make it worse for Rick or that once he started protecting Rick, being his one man army against the world, he'd never stop.

\----

Rick burst into the bathroom, and fell to his knees in the middle of the room. His forehead touching the cold tile floor. His closed fists resting either side of his head. His brow furrowed and his eyes clenched shut as a wave of realisation swept across his mind.

Lori.

He'd been seeing Lori all day, she'd been standing at the side of his vision. Just like she did back at the prison. Rick guessed somewhere in the back of his mind, untouched, he'd known that all along. He'd been too uneasy to really look, to cast his gaze to the speck of white to really see what it was. Too frightened to look and come to the conclusion he was at now. 

That his sanity was slipping again.

Only this time, he knew how to fix it.

\----

About half an hour later after Daryl had walked back inside, he was out again, back to fixing the bike. Rick had gone into the family's home right after he'd seen Daryl and had not exited since, so Daryl figured it was safe to come out.

Just as that thought crossed his mind, the door to the house opened and Rick came out, walking straight across the road, straight for Daryl.

His gaze was unlike last time, no longer clouded and nervous, almost paranoid. This time, it was determined and perfectly clear as he looked at Daryl.

Daryl swallowed roughly and straightened his back, coming to attention for his leader. He knew avoiding Rick wouldn't last long, knew Rick wouldn't let what had happened go.

Daryl guessed a part of him knew that, had hoped Rick would seek him out. That he would do what Daryl was too scared to.

Their gazes locked.

Daryl nodded his head slightly. Rick nodded back.

"Daryl, we need to talk"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback are appreciated! They keep me motivated
> 
> Sorry if this is a bit different, I've found it hard to get back into writing for some reason. So please let me know what you think, even if it's negative (although please don't be too harsh).
> 
> Also, sorry for the short length of it.


	8. Chapter 8

Rick took a deep breath and stepped closer to Daryl. He was determined for this to go right second time around.

"We need to talk about what happened" Rick explained. His hands coming to rest on his hips. A stance adopted from years on the force; authoritative and approachable.

"I'm going to talk and then you can choose what you do after" Rick paused to look at Daryl, who was holding himself perfectly still, like he was fighting the urge to bolt, panic flitting across his features.

"I know you said that kiss meant nothing, but I don't believe you. I know you, and you don't go around kissing people, especially not like that. I felt something and I know you did too. I never realised how I felt until then, all these years I've trusted you the most, looked to you for guidance, for strength, loved you fiercely, and all this time I thought I  
loved you like a brother..."

Daryl looked up, locking gazes with Rick. Rick was now speaking of fears he didn't know Daryl had.

"I was wrong. I love you like a brother, but so much more at the same time. I can't live without you so please stop pushing me away" Rick's voice trailed off, turning small and vulnerable.

"I know what you think of yourself, that you're broken and that you can't get close to anyone 'cause they'll surely end up hurt but I promise that's not true. You're the strongest person I've ever known, you're a better man than I've ever been or will be. People getting hurt around you isn't your fault, they didn't get hurt because of your short comings,  
it was just circumstance" Rick took another small step forward, slowly closing the distance between him and the other man.

"Please give us a chance..God" Rick breathed "I'll treat you right. I'll do everything I can every day to make you happy, that's the very least you deserve. But if you don't want this, just say now and I'll never ask again. I won't question your decision or try to make you change your mind. Just tell me you feel what's between us too"

For the first time, the silence that fell over the two men wasn't comfortable. It was heavy and meaningful like never before. 

Daryl felt as if Rick's words were circling his chest, constricting his lungs, tightening around his heart. Daryl scrunched his eyes shut as he tried to force a breath. No one had ever said such things to Daryl before, not even his Momma, never had he heard that someone loved him, would make it their goal to make him happy. That he even deserved more than that.

Daryl felt himself go dizzy, felt his legs start to shake as he struggled to get air into his lungs. Feeling light headed, he stumbled, trying to move to lean against the workbench; unable to properly communicate with his legs, to tell them to take steps to move him, he fell forward.

Rick caught him with strong arms, wrapping one around Daryl's back, the other stroking the back of Daryl's head.

There, in Rick's arms, with his head in the crook of Rick's neck, Daryl broke the silence.

"I feel it too"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting for so long!
> 
> I hope this is enough for some kind of small cheesy filler chapter while I figure out how to continue this!
> 
> Thoughts and comments are appreciated! Thanks for reading!


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